


Zoom Calls

by gaysontodds



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: BAMF Dick Grayson, BAMF Jason Todd, Batbrothers (DCU) Bonding, Bruce Wayne is So Done, Bruce Wayne is a Tired Dad, Corona - Freeform, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Jason Todd Has Issues, Jason Todd and Damian Wayne are Siblings, Jason Todd-centric, Love and Appreciation, Sibling Bonding, Zoom calls, dilf Bruce wayne, jason and Damian are chaotic, jason todd has an axe, no beta we die like dc rebirth, no one should’ve authorized that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:47:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26611648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaysontodds/pseuds/gaysontodds
Summary: " So let me get this straight" Bruce grits out, a vein popping out from it's little spot on Bruce's ghost like forehead, the whole dinner table still with intensity." You come upstairs with bloody clothes on, and an axe" he repeats grouchily, his eyes trained on Jason's collected form. Jason nods in confirmation for him to continue, chewing delightfully on the food Alfred so graciously made for them all." an axe you used to dismember 10 legs from 5 men ?" He continue to ask, his voice raising harshly. Dick sunk back into his seat as Tim squawked in surprise. Why was this such a surprise for them? Have they not seen Jason's portfolio? He works so hard to be the most efficient and creative vigilante out here and this is the respect he gets in return? Disrespectful._________________________________________Damian has online school and Jason doesn’t have a normal thinking process.
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne, Jason Todd & Damian Wayne, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne, Tim Drake & Jason Todd
Comments: 11
Kudos: 426





	Zoom Calls

**Author's Note:**

> Hi thanks for checking in I’m ✨ still a piece of garbage ✨ .
> 
> This is just some batfamily fluff because they deserve a break once and a while and I’m not an asshole writer who’s depressed 24/7 and needs a hug. 
> 
> No actually I am but I decided to take a brief intermission and write this fic, so please enjoy it.

Jason was honestly having a pretty good week. Every variable in his life was going smooth sailing. He and Bruce decided that this week was a great week to like each other and surprisingly, just get along. To the point where Bruce invited him to stay over for the week and Enjoy some quality time with the family and Alfred’s unbeatable cooking. Like the opportunist Jason is, he greedily accepted the offer. 

Not only did that blessing fall from the sky for him, being the family crime lord has also been pretty rewarding. Since, he just earned some property from Mr. two face, ( _well more or less stole but no one notices the difference in Gotham_ ) and his sales has tripled ever since. He also had the lucky advantage of beating dick in a training session after a short patrol. He couldn’t help but be secretly delighted by since it was very important for his self-esteem. Finally, He and Timbers had indulged in making some tikackers? Toktiks? Tickity tacks? on a dare that he simply couldn’t refuse. 

Evidently, tiktok has now deemed him the new Charlie d'amelio and he shockingly does not mind that at all.

Yet, good things are never meant to last and when you're Jason Todd. That means everything and anything that happens usually ends up withsome really bad wind-shed.

That's how he ended up standing infront of a shocked Damian and with his virtual class sharing the same look the little gremlin has on his face, and with him staring back stupefied with a bloody axe in his hand and with bloodied white shirt and camo pants ( that he was too relaxed to get out of ) for everyone to see.

" Todd" Damian let out painfully, his voice was higher than Jason's ever heard it. The gremlins forest green eyes tracing his body with impressing animosity. 

" What the fuck are you doing ?" He nearly screeches, thankfully his teeth were gritting against each other hindering his vocals. Jason couldn’t help but wince at the brat’s questioning. 

Bruce was definitely going to break his no kill rule on him for this shit.

" Why is your brother holding an axe dude?" One of Damian's classmates asked from the computer, he seemed to be the only one who wasn't mildly petrified of the situation. Damian turned back to the computer, turning his mic on to explain the mysterious details of, why, the fuck, his adult brother was holding an axe like he came straight out of a 90’s thriller movie.Though, Damian was still processing the amount of shock Jason just placed on him.

Jason gaped, " I — uh. This is apart of my Halloween costume?" He manages to squeak out, waving the axe in his hands nonchalantly. Which, only managed to escalate the situation further as Damian made a noise only identifiable as a schoolgirl shriek at the movement.

" we're in September" the kid says matter of factly, god who is this brat? No one asked for his stupid input. Who cares if they were in fucking September, he knew people who celebrated Christmas in august.

By those people he means Dick Grayson but the point still remains valid.

" I — Well it's never too late to start getting in the tricker treat spirit" he counters back, Damian's shocked expression now turning into a hardened scowl. He could already see one of the demon brat's veins sticking out, Bruce was definitely the baby daddy of this kid.

Talia sure knows how to pick em'.

" We have the 'rona outside our doors and we're all stuck inside because of quarantine. How are you guys gonna go start your trick or treating?" This time a girl speaks, her confused expression staying intact as she asked. Okay, maybe this kid gets a pass, she seems to have some flavor in personality. Damian better try and become friends with her first.

" We social distance" Damian manages to catch up, his voice was still so high pitched and squawky. As he desperately tried to get his classmates to believe them. This would've been hilarious if there nighttime thrills weren't about to get exposed. He should've went with the purge excuse, the purge excuse always got him out of these type of situations quicker. Who questions the fucking purge?

" Yea, uh well — all candies stay six feet apart from each other" He inputs, shrugging his shoulders awkwardly. Damian hisses in annoyance , covering his face with his hands. Awe, he's embarrassing the kid in front of his class. Dick would be so proud of his brotherly accomplishments.

" Yea and when you pick up the candies you gotta wipe it with a baby wipe and not touch the others. Don't forget masks." Damian follows in, his teeth still gritting against each other. Poor kid was gonna give himself a hernia if he kept stressing himself out like this. Bruce was seriously not a good influence on him.

" That doesn't even make sense" the teacher inputs, now she wants to talk ? How would she even know? She's not the science teacher, she doesn't understand the details of the rona. For all they know she could be an anti masker, what class does she even teach?

" don't you have a class to teach?" Damian asks rhetorically, his voice filled with his signature haughty sass that Jason wishes everyday to kick him for. Yet, this time the demon gets a nice little pass. Jason nods in emphasis, the bloody axe spilling drips of blood.

" Yea go teach the quadratic formula or some shit lady"

" I'm the English teacher" she corrects annoyingly, her eyes bugging out of her face from the screen making her look like she starred in the bee movie. Jason suppressed his laughter, he didn't want to make this worse than it already is. He already knew Damian was gonna get a phone call home for this.

" and yet, you fail to meet the English curriculum standards with your mediocre understanding of the language. You can't even properly analyze Shakespeare you inbred." Damian pops off and just for that, Jason let's his laugh howl out. Man this kid has got some game. He'll go up to the boss man and take the blame for everything just because of that line.

" Just for that young man, expect a phone call home!" The teacher says in offense, the kids snicker into their screens and it seems that they're forgetting all about Jason's whammy of an introduction.

" oh he's sooo scared of a phone call home, what's he gonna get? Grounded? No going out on the weekends? This is quarantine lady, you can't do anything" Jason shuts down, throwing the axe behind him with ease, hearing it hit the couch.

Okay maybe that wasn't the best idea considering Alfred is going to have a tizzy when he finds blood on his nice sofa. He also shouldn't be enabling the kid’s behavior. Let alone jump in on disrespecting the teacher but he couldn't help himself. Man, he better say goodbye to him and Bruce's honeymoon phase because after this there won't be no relationship to have a honeymoon with.

Damian facepalms once more, god he hates his brothers. If only their brain capacities were just an tiny bit higher, they wouldn't be in so many dumbass situations.

" We will continue class tomorrow, Ms. I have some familial business to attend to. Have a satisfactory day." Damian deadpans, clicking the exit button before the teacher could even intervene. Jason couldn't help but bark out a laugh once again, maybe his family wasn't so bad.

" what did you even do to have that much bloodshed?"

" Let's just say, not too many rapists are going to be walking up to there victims anymore." He discloses suspiciously, a Cheshire smile gracing his lips as he moved his curly bangs from his face. Damian scoffs in annoyance, rolling his forest green eyes vexingly.

" You better hope father is in a good mood when he gets home."

* * *

  
" So let me get this straight" Bruce grits out, a vein popping out from a little spot on Bruce's ghost-like forehead, the whole dinner table still with intensity.

" You come upstairs with bloody clothes on, and an axe" he repeats grouchily, his eyes trained on Jason's collected form. Jason nods in the confirmation for him to continue, chewing delightfully on the food Alfred so graciously made for them all.

" an axe you used to dismember 10 legs from 5 men ?" He continues to ask, his voice raising harshly. Dick sunk back into his seat as Tim squawked in surprise. Why was this such a surprise for them? Have they not seen Jason's portfolio? He worked so hard to be the most efficient and creative vigilante out here and this is the respect he gets in return? How Insulting.

" Well, I wouldn’t call those fuckfaces ” men”. A real man would know that Rape, is in fact, a very bad deed.” He clarified politely, his voice held a musical undertone to it, expressing his uncaring attitude towards the entire conversation. He took another bite into his food before meeting his father’s eyes with confidence. 

“ And yet all of them were serial rapists, and you already know how I ride with those assholes. However, I will say that, yes. I did disembody some sorry ass humans, but don't you worry that pretty little mane of yours big man.” He continues to ensure, the table has gotten even tenser with Jason’s little conversation play. 

“ They’re all alive and stable, I made sure I checked them all into the finest hospitals Gotham could give. So I didn't break our contract. " he corrects, shoving some spaghetti into his mouth. Damian snickered softly from his seat, causing the young boy to get punched in the arm by Cass. I mean he has the right to snicker, Jason thought the whole conversation was funny too. 

Bruce's mouth gaped for a moment before continuing. He couldn’t help but smile at that, ‘ _checkmate bitch’_. 

" I — you don't even check the area you're entering? Do you know how unethical that is? You stood in front of Damian's computer. In front of his class? With that blood? From those men? "Bruce damn near shrieks, rising from his seat in anger and disbelief.

Bruce was seriously going through the motions with this one, he knew he fucked you by not changing downstairs and being careless with himself. He understood that and quite frankly, he felt a tiny bit bad about it too. 

The conflict began to resonate in Jason’s mind. Bruce couldn't be that mad? He didn't kill anybody and they're in a safe hospital ready to be charged for their crimes. What the hell with how liberal federal health and hospital prison systems are they got some good medical care. They just can’t walk, which isn’t an unreasonable punishment, right?

" Yeah basically, you got that all right, but you know we all have our little skeletons in the closet. I’m sorry for being reckless with my cleanup job. No need to get your panties in a bunch. " he eases, stuffing more food in his mouth as he watched Bruce fight off a luring aneurism. Warmth filled in his chest as he realized that Bruce was trying to be civil with him. Maybe they can get through this honeymoon stage after all. 

" Jay, our skeletons don't go that deep in the closet" Dick whined out, looking at his brother with such distress. He expected a little more understanding from the golden boy, it's not like he had a squeaky clean vigilante streak. He's seen how badly dick has bugged out on some criminals. Just because Dick didn't erase a limb doesn't mean he hasn't given some permanent and severe nerve damage.

Jason just helped them lose a couple of pounds that's all, no need to carry all of that dead weight.

" I mean I have some lighter skeletons too. You guys wanna hear about the time I waxed my ass with chocolate pudding ?" He offers cheerily with a stuffed mouth, raising his hands to his cheeks with delight. 

He was desperately trying to finesse his way out of this dilemma. Don’t ever let it be unsaid that Jason didn’t know how to de-escalate a situation. A synchronized set of groans enveloped the table. His methods were working.

" no Jason, nobody wants to know about your waxing skill set" Tim shuts down immediately, taking another sip of his nasty caffeine concoction, god only knows how that kid does it. He secretly admired that about Tim, the kid is going places.

" Alright, I will say this though. — It was pretty painful" he summarizes, another set of groans enveloped the room.

" What kind of chocolate pudding did you even use?" Dick asked distressfully curious, big blue eyes looking straight into Jason’s. Tim sighed as Cass barked at Dick to shut up Jason was happily about to give his brother the details but before he could answer Bruce cut him off.

" You realize how jeopardizing your stunt was, let alone psychotic. Jason, you're smarter than this. " he pops off, bringing them all back to the problem his hand slamming down on the table for emphasis. Ah, it seemed that Bruce has unlocked his tired bat dad mode, wonder where that mode was at when he was in that warehouse getting whacked with a car opener.

" Yeah well, You're right. I am smarter than that, but you know B. You don't seem to understand my creative side all that well and it becomes a problem in cases like this. I'm probably the most artistic son you'll ever get and you don't appreciate anything I do for this world. "

" You were covered in the blood of criminals during Damian's zoom call. " Bruce reminded tiredly, his father was pleading with him at this point making Jason very uncomfortable with the energy they created this evening.

" Yea but I was able to help those rich kids with their quarantine depression and give them a little Halloween spirit !" He pipes up, trying to encourage his father to see it from his point of view. He did a civil service today despite the circumstances that he was placed in.

" hell — Me and the little creeper over there even created an alternative trick or treating style !" He continues proudly, man if only Roy were here to see this. His man would be so proud.

" Todd we did no such thing, quit the foolery" Damian sadly intervened, Jason frowned at the youngest bat. He felt a strong sense of betrayal from the young robin.

" Dami, I thought we had something special. Don't be like that." He whines out sarcastically, earning the bird from the little robin. He scoffs in disgust putting his attention back on his father.

" leave Damian out of this" Dick warned playfully, the tension that once filled the room slowly sweeping away as Jason was able to stealthily diffuse the situation.

" I mean he was the one that decided school was important to have in the living room, not me" he pleads, going back to his food. Dick rolled his eyes once more as Tim seems to find the whole ordeal funny. Snickering like a chinchilla high on laughing gas.

" Jason weren't you the class nerd, you're the last person to be talking" Tim chastises, Cassandra snickered in her seat as Jason frowned once again. He never disclosed any of his teenage business with any of his brothers.

" That's not relevant to the conversation, this is about Damian's lack of self-preservation to do his school work in his room like a normal human." He defends himself vigorously, okay maybe his family was that bad after all. This is why he stopped giving out chances.

" maybe we should go back to talking about your lack of self-control in terms of your so-called ' _Art_ ' " Damian countered back at him, glaring back at him trying to hide the smirk that was threatening to pop out.   
  


“ My art should never be contained due to society’s uncultured standards, brat. You of all people should know this” He continued, Waving his hands at Damian with exhaustion.   
  


Bruce sat back down tiredly, sighing in defeat. Deciding to pour more red wine into his glass and chugging it down with no hesitation. He was becoming the one thing he despised more than criminals. A Wine Dad. 

He felt the eyes of his kids steadily on him as he continued to drowse his cup with the red liquid before they all continued to bicker about Jason’s “ creative” methods.

it was only until Jason began to go into a deep analysis about his chocolate pudding wax ( which dick was highly invested in learning ) that he completely tapped out of the conversation. 

He needed to go back in time and have a nice talk with his younger self about controlling his adoptive desires. 

Bruce was going to call the school, later on, Damian wasn't going to be doing any more zoom calls. There are enough math tutorials on YouTube for Damian to learn math from. He was pretty sure his boy was already above the American school curriculum to even be in school.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy, please don’t forget to comment because I love y’all validation. 
> 
> my wattpad: LONGDICKSTYLES  
> My tumblr: Gothamstwink


End file.
